How to deal with a one sided relationship!

How to deal with a one sided relationshipHave you ever had to deal with a woman who was somewhat on the selfish and lazy side? She would not want to pick up after herself, wash her own dishes or even contribute to any household duties? How about if you had to contend with all of that, plus she never gave anything emotionally to the relationship, constantly complained and refused to get a job?!

Here we are going to discuss how to deal with a one sided relationship. If you have ever been in a relationship with this type of woman, or perhaps you may be married to one right now, then all is not lost!

Keep reading and you will get some insights as to the whys, how’s and when’s to getting a solution to your individual problem… the one sided relationship from hell!

My friends experience.

I have a friend who married a woman from Japan a couple years back and they immediately started talking about starting a family. They purchased a new home in a good part of the island (no small feat here in Hawaii, mind you!) and all seemed well.

Upon meeting my friend for coffee just after their wedding my friend, Nick (not his real name) confides in me he feels he made a mistake. Shocked by this announcement I pressed him as to why he was having these feelings of uncertainty regarding his new wife.

His response: “she” is very lazy, demanding, refuses to get a job and complains about everything. He doesn’t make enough money; why don’t we have a Mercedes; why did you buy “this” house; How come my friends can travel without their husbands and I can’t… you get the drift.

On top of that she is allergic to house work. He works all day and comes home to a pile of her dishes in the sink, clothes unwashed, the house disheveled and wife who spends all day on the internet smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee.

When he does get home, according to my friend, he has to wash her dishes, cook them their dinner for the evening and then wash those dishes. Next he has to start the laundry and clean the house if it is at such a point it needs to be done.

All this occurs while his new, beautiful wife complains about: what he just made for dinner; he used too much dish soap to wash the dishes and the newly completed laundry is wrinkled.

Unfortunately for Nick they did decide to have a child and produced a beautiful son. Once the child was born the wife refused any intimacy with Nick and seemed very overwhelmed taking care of their son.

After coming home from his job he would be required by his wife to cook the dinner as mentioned above and then he would take over caring for the child until the baby went to sleep for the night.

Two years pass and Nick is beyond fed up with his wife who still refuses to get a job, despite her reluctant promise to do so once their son was in preschool (about a year already enrolled). He and his wife have no intimacy as she refuses all his advances; and when he suggests marriage counseling as a starting point to get their relationship back on track she refuses to go.

Nick is now the bread winner, caretaker, father and slave to this family. Nick is in a very one sided relationship that is building a great deal of resentment inside him. He feels stuck, unappreciated and angry that he is in such a pathetic arrangement.

How to deal with a one sided relationshipHis marriage ended when she was complaining about him to her other Japanese friends within earshot. When hearing what she was saying she must have forgotten he spoke some Japanese and understood what was being said.

According to Nick, he walked up to his wife and her group of friends and stated: “its over! Find yourself some other sucker to take care of your shit. For me I am done with your crap!!” Whereupon he went to his car to drive home and he packed her bags and placed them out on the street.

They are now divorced. Nick is a much happier man and she is back in Japan.

Are you going through something similar to this? Then read on!

Why these women are the way they are.

Times have changed over the past 30 years in regards to how men and women interact and how each views their respective role in a relationship. Back in the 1960s and 70s there was still this more traditional role of the woman in the household. She would take care of the family, cook the meals, do the laundry and handle family social obligations. The man was to be the provider and was tasked with financially supporting the family unit.

Enter the 1980s and many young women are pursuing careers and forgoing marriage until a later date. Suddenly the focus is not so much on raising a family as it is replaced by pursuing a career.

Twenty years later it is 2013 and many women are discovering that selecting the once male dominated career route is not all that it is cracked up to be. Now there is job instability, workplace stress and career burnout! What is a woman to do?

Over the last couple of years there seems to be a resurgence of women who would like to be “housewives” again. The natural instinct of staying home and caring for a family is where they feel their talents and inner desires need to be in place of a corporate office.

How to deal with a one sided relationshipAdd to this the new dynamic of constant pounding of the media of consuming every product under the sun… or you are not cool. The reality TV shows that endorse a bunch of selfish individuals who act immature and self serving; and introduce an economy where the job market does not offer the most qualified applicants any place worth sending a resume to.

Now what you have is a dynamic where it would be easier and more desirous to stay home, take care of the house and raise some kids… and hey, I can even surf the internet all day if I want to. But then again maybe I want to work… or maybe I want to hang with my mommy friends all day because that’s what they do on that TV show. The housework can wait.

I feel women of today are at a crossroads in regards to choosing career or homemaker. When facing this fork in the road some women elect to take a third less traveled road, and that being a lazy slug who will let their significant other carry the entire burden of their relationship.

These one sided relationships quickly become a bad place to be for anyone other than the selfish, parasitic woman. Of course, I need to state clearly that men can be as guilty of this as well.. but for today’s article it is all about the strong, capable guy who, over time, discovers he is involved with a lazy women who is now nothing but a financial burden to him.

How will you be impacted by being with such a woman?

Very simply put you will have your soul ripped out of you as that’s how my above friend Nick describes his emotional state after the relationship ended. His take on the three year marriage was that it was a complete waste of time and a huge financial hit. Not only that, he also lost his son to his wife as they both now live in Japan.

How to deal with a one sided relationshipAs with Nick you will attempt to make things work. You will tolerate the laziness and the selfish behavior. You will even ignore the constant complaining and grow thick skin to better deal with the emotional toll it could hit you with.

And just like Nick you will one day just say you had enough and push her out the door… regardless of the financial ramifications (if married with kids) or loss of friendships that may result.

Today Nick is dating yet another very attractive woman from Japan, but is approaching it in a much wiser fashion and taking things slower than he has in the past. He does admit he sees some of the same characteristics found in his ex-wife in this current girlfriend… which is causing him to stay somewhat emotionally distant in this new relationship.

Three types of women most likely to become lazy and selfish.

Here are three types of women that I have noticed to be most likely to be lazy and selfish, thus resulting in a very one sided relationship.

Newly divorced women

How to deal with a one sided relationshipMost women who just got out of a long-term relationship or are newly divorced are not ready to start participating in a serious relationship. Even though they may tell you they want to be with YOU their actions and behaviors will tell a different story.

After being in a marriage for several years where she had a career, took care of her kids and had to be a wife she may be looking for a guy who is going to spoil her and wait on her for a change. Just be prepared!

The strikingly beautiful woman

Every time I hear someone say that beautiful women can’t get dates I just want to slap ‘em silly. Of course they get dates; and, more likely than any other woman out there, she is getting hit on numerous times a day. Poor little pretty girl!

The more attractive the woman is the more selfish she will be. Having dated numerous striking looking women over the years I found this to be a common theme. In the nutshell, if you are not willing to buy them their diamonds there is a line of stupid guys waiting for the chance to do so.

Be prepared to be the one pulling the weight in that relationship and then some.

Women from Japan

I am married to a very pretty lady from Japan so I can safely say that not all Japanese women are like my above friend’s ex-wife. But I can say with a great deal of comfort a large number of them are very pathetic, selfish and lazy.

How to deal with a one sided relationshipI personally now of about 10 to 12 men who married Japanese women… and, are you ready?… all… each of these 10 to 12 guys are divorced after 3 or less years of marriage!! All for the very same reason as my friend Nick divorced his wife: lazy and didn’t want to get a job nor do any house work.

Fly into Tokyo with your attorney’s phone number on speed dial.

How to avoid such a woman in the first place!

Here are four things you can do to avoid such a woman. If you fail to do any of these listed items then you are setting yourself up for a one sided relationship that you may have some difficulty exiting from!

ONE:   If she tells you how lazy her ex-boyfriend or husband was; or how he didn’t make enough money; or how few times he took her on trips… DUMP HER!!!

TWO:   If she spends an inordinate amount of time on the computer, like any time she is not at work and should be spending this time with you… DUMP HER!!

THREE:   If she is older and has kids, but the kids have very little to do with her… not a good sign!… DUMP HER!!!

FOUR:   If she has not had a job since you met her, or she has no interest in pursuing a How to deal with a one sided relationshipcareer… DUMP HER!!!

FIVE:   One last one: If you are at her home often and you notice she has a problem keeping her house clean, and she lives by herself… she’s a PIG!… DUMP HER!!

Don’t heed my advice and later down the road you will be wishing you had!

If you are with this type of women here’s what you can do.

Now for some of you guys it may be too late. You may be in a relationship with this type of woman; or you may be married to one – bummer! But don’t panic! Before you decide to throw in the towel try some of these recommendations and see how things move forward for you… hopefully in a more positive direction.

ONE:   Sit her down and try calmly talking with her about your concerns. Tell her you need her help and that what ever should could do to be of help would be greatly appreciated.

TWO:   Just resign to the fact that you will always be the giver and provider in the relationship. But in so doing she is moved down the priority list of your life. This assumes How to deal with a one sided relationshipshe is your wife and you have kids and you want to stay married for the kid’s sake. If so, focus on your kids, stop focusing on her… then seek a girlfriend on the side for the “other stuff”.

THREE:   End the relationship. You can do better.

FOUR:   If married but no kids, focus on yourself and pull away from the relationship for a while. Rediscover your friends, get fit, build your confidence, and slowly plan your exit if she remains the lazy slug wife. Have a nice life outside of your marriage.

FIVE:   Do nothing. Plan on being disappointed for as long as the relationship is ongoing. Depression will be your best friend and you will forget what sex is all about. Knock yourself out!

SIX:   Lastly, see if she would entertain couples counseling. If she says no follow one of the above recommendations.

In Closing.

Dealing with a one sided relationship is a drag! Today we discussed what one is, what you can expect if you are in one and ways to get out of this unfortunate arrangement. If you are unhappy because you are the giver in your relationship perhaps it is time to consider moving on. The last thing you want to be is stuck with a bitchy,  selfish woman in your life who is constantly bringing you down!

Here’s a video titled:  How to deal with a one-sided relationship.  Enjoy the video!

Video.

How to deal with a one sided relationship.

This entry was posted in Relationship Survival and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.