Many times, in our efforts to be more attractive to women, we men go beyond what is necessary to be successful. We do this because we know women much prefer to be with men who have a solid financial future and show alpha male traits.
The problem for some men is that in our efforts to become the “better” man we will at times look at other men around us and compare where we are at in life to them.
Often it looks something like this: your coworker has a brand new car, just got a promotion and seems to have everything come easy to him – and you look at yourself in a very critical lens because you have none of these, which concerns you more than it should.
If this is you, which I bet it is as most men are very competitive by nature and are always comparing themselves to other men, then maybe it’s time to rethink “this way of thinking”.
This is very natural as it is part of who we are as men. We are hunter/gatherers and compete with anyone who can get to the “fresh kill” first.
After all, the prettiest and most fertile girl in the village will only select the caveman who can provide the best quality food and shelter that meets her expectations.
How Comparing Yourself to Others Hurts YOU!
We are no longer cavemen and you can still attract a very beautiful woman without the need to bring home a bleeding carcass to throw on the coals! But for those of you who still feel a strong need to have the Porsche and Swiss vacations in order to attract a very sexy lady then you are very foolish and not in touch with what being an “alpha male” is all about!
According to Wikipedia:
“Envy can be defined as a resentful emotion which “occurs when a person lacks another’s (perceived) superior quality, achievement or possession and wishes that the other lacked it.”
Bertrand Russell said that envy was one of the most potent causes of unhappiness. Not only is the envious person rendered unhappy by his envy, but they also wish to inflict misfortune on others. Although envy is generally seen as something negative, Russell also believed that envy was a driving force behind the movement towards democracy and must be endured to achieve a more just social system.
However, psychologists have recently suggested that there may be two types of envy: malicious envy and benign envy – benign envy being proposed as a type of positive motivational force.”
The problem comes when you compare yourself to other men, often feeling inadequate and envious of what you perceive as another individual being superior to you. This can create enormous feelings of uncertainty about your capabilities which will lead to outright jealousy of other men whom you think have it better than you.
These feelings will only create emotional turmoil within yourself as you start to let these feelings become your reality. Soon you may find yourself comparing many men to yourself. Some will be superior, thus causing feelings of envy while others will be inferior, thus making you feel confident and secure in yourself.
All I can say is: “STOP THIS!!!”
Comparing yourself to other men is dumb, stupid and shows just how insecure you are as a man. Stop it!
Read and understand these two phrases as gospel truth, because they are:
ONE: There will always, ALWAYS be other men, many other men, who make more money than you do and have a more prestigious job. ALWAYS!!
TWO: That sexy goddess who just walked into the bar… well, there is some guy, somewhere who is totally bored with her and could not care less if she hooked up with other guys!
NO woman is worth comparing yourself against other men for! No woman!! As you should know by now once the initial sexual attraction wears off she just becomes yet another wench who complains about EVERYTHING and you will become VERY eager to get rid of her!!
Trust me on this.
How to Compete With Yourself
Instead of comparing yourself to other men what you should be doing is comparing yourself to… you! You do this so you can eventually propel yourself to where you think you need to be in this life.
Other men and “their” accomplishments are a moving target as they change with each guy you are in envy of. Competing with “yourself”, by setting goals that enable you to move your life forward in a direction of your choosing, you will eventually become the man you now are envious of.
Setting goals is fairly easy to do. I also think that they are truly necessary for a full and complete life. Here’s what I do:
ONE: I sit down and put pen to paper and layout things I would like to accomplish in various parts of my life in a three month period of time.
TWO: I then work backwards and reverse-engineer how to get to these goals, thus allowing me to set up smaller goals and task lists on a weekly and daily basis.
THREE: The first thing I do before I go to bed at night is make my “To Do List” for the next day and also review my 3 month goals so I stay focused on what I am trying to accomplish.
My staying the course of setting goals and constantly working towards accomplishing these goals I find that I very rarely compare myself to other men.
I mean, why would I? I am now totally in charge of where the quality of my life is going, thus removing any need of envy of other people!
According to MindTools.com:
“Goal setting is used by top-level athletes, successful business-people and achievers in all fields. Setting goals gives you long-term vision and short-term motivation. It focuses your acquisition of knowledge, and helps you to organize your time and your resources so that you can make the very most of your life.
By setting sharp, clearly defined goals, you can measure and take pride in the achievement of those goals, and you’ll see forward progress in what might previously have seemed a long pointless grind. You will also raise your self-confidence, as you recognize your own ability and competence in achieving the goals that you’ve set.”
Rewards, Pride and Satisfaction
What I find helped me move forward with accomplishing goals is setting up a small rewards system. When I accomplish a small goal, for example, I maintain my cardio schedule for a month straight without fail, then I’ll treat myself to a nice desert at a local restaurant.
For a moderate goal it may be treating myself to a case of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. For a more substantial goal to be accomplished it would be a nice dinner at Morton’s Steak House.
But by accomplishing personal and professional goals there is more than just setting up rewards for yourself; there is the feeling of accomplishment and pride that few experience these days. The satisfaction of gaining a new client, or losing those last five pounds far exceeds any reward you could pay yourself!
And more importantly, when you start focusing on YOURSELF and not others you will be surprised just what you can accomplish in this life! Start that business! Get those six pack abs! Buy that house on Maple Street! Whatever you goals may be they are yours and yours only.
When you work towards accomplishing these goals you will discover that you will stop comparing yourself to other men and will be much more satisfied with who you are and where you are going in life!
That’s when women will start to take notice of who you are!
article: Only Compete with Yourself!