Problems Marrying Japanese Women

Problems Marrying Japanese WomenNot all marriages are fun to be in. Being married to woman who does not contribute or participate in the success of the marriage can be a bad place to be for nay guy. Regardless of the type of woman you do eventually settle down with there will be a high likelihood of some rough waters to navigate through at some point of the marriage.  So, yes… there will be problems marrying japanese women!

For some reason I can’t help but notice that many interracial marriages that involve a Japanese woman and western man seem to have the same prevailing issue: that being of the Japanese wife not wanting to be a financial partner in the marriage.


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My Money is My Money… YOUR Money is OUR Money..

Just about every couple where the wife is from Japan I have seen this above saying come to light.

The husband works, provides for the family, sometimes works two or three jobs in an attempt to get ahead and the wife either refuses to help financially to support the family;

…or, if she does work, she resents the husband for expecting her to do so.

My friend, who is now going through a divorce, had his Japanese wife work at one of the upscale retailers here in Honolulu where upon every payday she would deposit her entire paycheck into her Japanese bank and not offer to help with paying of any of the household bills.

While she was saving her entire paycheck he was spending his entire paycheck to support the family.

At the age of 46 he could not save any money for a rainy day fund nor could he put any money into his retirement savings account due to the fact every penny went to supporting his wife, young child and lifestyle… which was meager, by the way!


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When he asked her to help out financially she always refused, claiming it was his responsibility to provide for the family. After several years of marriage, and her 6th or 7th trip to Europe (without him!) and her continual lack of interest in helping the family financially he moved forward to divorce her. (Updated: 01/03/2014)

Don’t Want to Work

Problems Marrying Japanese WomenThis is another prevailing problem that many Japanese women force upon the men they marry. Many, not all, but quite a few will just flat out refuse to work. They will look to you to be the bread winner and work to support the family.

For some of us this is not an issue as our incomes allow for this to be ok. For others, their income will not be enough and the need to have the wife work and contribute financially is a necessity.

Having known quite a few guys who married, and subsequently divorced their Japanese wives it often stemmed from the wives refusal to work, or if they did work they would be very resentful of the husband and be a cold fish to him for long periods of time.

Resentment on Both Sides

Unfortunately the vast majority of couples involving a marriage to a Japanese woman that I am aware of have encountered this problem. Resentment enters into the picture fairly quickly for both the husband and the wife, resulting in a marriage that deteriorates in rapid fashion.

The wife resents the husband because she feels she would not have married him if she knew he could not afford to have her be a “stay at home housewife”. The husband resents her because every month he is financially tapped out and fatigued from working two jobs while she stays home.

For some reason, Japanese women, from what I have seen via my various friend’s relationships, seem to be reluctant to go to counseling to help resolve these type of issues. The few husbands who did go to counseling on their own to help cope with the wife he is now “stuck with” all decided to end their respective marriages.

I Got Lucky!

I am very fortunate in that my wife, who is from Japan, is a real partner in our marriage. Upon meeting her some six years earlier I very much admired her work ethic as she worked three jobs while she lived in Japan. Now she works a job she really enjoys, contributes financially to the household and even helps me with my side business.


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To avoid the above issue that many Japanese/westerner marriages seem to encounter I would be sure that you discuss, with your Japanese lady friend, in detail, what you are looking for in a partner.

Make things very clear from the beginning right from your early dating activities so there can be no confusion as to what you are looking for in a wife.

Also, keep in mind that Japan has a very different culture and societal expectations. Many women in Japan do not work after the age of 35. Most men hold very stable jobs and work for one company for many years and are very loyal to this one company.

You should become very familiar with the Japanese culture to fully understand where the woman is coming from in all aspects of your marriage to her. If you choose not to do that, you will definitely encounter many problems that could be easily avoided.

In Closing…

Japanese women are truly special ladies! They are sexy, exotic and polite creatures few of us ever get to know on a personal basis. Once you get past any and all differences you will find they are all just like any other woman on the planet. Do your homework on the Japanese culture, make sure you select the right lady who shares your values and you will have the makings of a very high quality marriage!


article: Problems Marrying Japanese Women

Updated: June 13, 2016 (06/13/2016)

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