If you are successful with women at some point in your experiences you will hear: “We need to talk. I’m pregnant!” No matter who you are there is a high probability this announcement will take you by surprise and cause a second or two of high anxiety… until you fully understand the ramification of what she just told you!
If you are happy with having a baby with this particular lady friend then all I can say is congratulations! More than likely you will be looking to get married and have a family together and are happy to do so.
But what do you do if you are not sure of the decision of having a baby is the right one and there is some doubt, anxiety and trepidation concerning you becoming a father.
What are your options and how do you stay sane as you move forward with whatever decision you make?
That’s right… DON’T PANIC!! I say this because if you are facing this announcement that’s probably what you are doing right now.
Let me assure you that no matter what direction both you and your lady friend decide to go in you will be able to handle it and you will be a better man because of it.
How do I know? Because like you, and most men out there, the idea of being a father was very intimidating at first!
It brings a world of anxiety, uncertainty and fear at the outset, but then once all moves forward it becomes one of the best decisions you will ever make… if you are a MAN, that is.
I waited until I was 48 before having a child. Now that I think of it, I wish I had my daughter earlier.
She is the pride and joy of my life and surely gives me purpose in life that I never experienced before.
From the experts at Kidshealth.org:
“If you feel shocked, panicked, overwhelmed, scared, or like you’re just not ready, you’re not alone. Like any big change, this will require a major adjustment.
And if the pregnancy wasn’t planned — half of all pregnancies aren’t — you may be feeling these emotions even more intensely.”
If you are a weak, beta male you will not be able to make any decision about the fate of the unborn child or the health and wellbeing of your lady.
You will be tempted to run and not be part of the decision making process of the fate of the unborn child. If you do run… shame on you! You are pathetic and a piece of shit.
Please keep in mind I am not passing judgment on any guy who wishes not to have a child at this point in their lives. For many of us having a kid at the age of 17, 28 or 37 may not be the right time for them.
And, you may not be with the right lady as well for this lifetime commitment!
What to do if She Says “I’m Pregnant”!??!
Here are your options.
ONE: Get Married and Raise the Baby
This will be the most heard thing coming from just about everyone! If you love your girlfriend and want to start a family then this is the obvious choice. Being married solidifies the relationship and truly gives your baby a solid family foundation to come into the world with.
Marriage as a whole is not going to make things go well just because you are legally married though.
What it will do is create a legal bond between yourself and the pregnant woman which demonstrates your commitment to each other.
Having a child is serious business. Getting married is the best course of action for your baby’s future as you will be a family that is recognized by all as legitimate and whole.
BUT, only get married because you want to! Not because you are feeling pressured to do so.
If you get married and your heart and level of commitment are not fully vested in its success all three of you will suffer… especially your child!
Here’s an interesting snippet from PsychologyToday.com on the topic of getting married “because we are pregnant“:
”Now the line “We got married because she was pregnant” might be said today by a successful stockbroker who’s lived with his equally successful stockbroker partner for ten years.
It is no longer a phrase used exclusively by high-school boys to explain why they have to drop out and get a job.
But one of the interesting things about this particular rationale is that many of the misgivings felt by the high-school boy might well be felt by his forty-year old counterpart.
The boy and the man might still ask themselves “Would we have gotten married if she wasn’t pregnant? How do I know she didn’t do this on purpose? Is she just using me to have a baby?”
That should definitely have you thinking about what the best course of action is for you and the unborn child, if nothing else does!
TWO: Deliver and Jointly Raise the Baby
This option is more prevalent today than it ever has. Many couples do not make a legal commitment by getting married, thus saving on the hassle of the ceremony and the hassle of the divorce.
Of course you BOTH are still legally committed to the child as you both are still, and always will be the parents. As time goes by and the child grows older quite a few of these couples get married to solidify the family unit… which is important for the child!
If for some reason the relationship between yourself and your lady friend goes south there is no divorce, but there is the issue of child support to contend with.
Normally the child will be split between to two of you with the very real possibility of you, the man, paying the mother child support.
Keep this in mind should you not be fully committed to the relationship!
Also, you need to factor in to the decision not to get married how the child will cope with this type of relationship. Not being married may have a negative impact on your child at some point.
And we all know that hurtful emotions experienced while being very young stay with us for a lifetime! Something to seriously consider!
THREE: One of You Takes Care of the Baby
This option is usually a result of the man not sticking around to be a father to the child. It also means that more than likely he will be a deadbeat dad.
How pathetic… and sad for that young person coming into this world!
While many moms are single parents, so are some fathers.
I can only hope that if you decide to go this route either you take custody of your child… and be a DAD; or, if she has custody you are ever-present and be the best dad you can be without being in the same home.
Remember that with this option you will be required to pay child support and also medical insurance for your child if you are not the one caring for the child on a daily basis.
Also remember that while you will have more personal freedom to date and carouse without the daily obligation of caring for a baby, you will be missing out living and experiencing life with the most important person in your life – your son/daughter!!
That’s kind of sad.
Here is yet more information on single parent households and the impact on the child from News-Leader.com:
“Statistically, a child in a single-parent household is far more likely to experience violence, commit suicide, continue a cycle of poverty, become drug dependent, commit a crime or perform below his peers in education.
According to the Single Parent Success Foundation, a national nonprofit that encourages educational opportunities for single parents:
63 percent of suicides nationwide are individuals from single-parent families.
75 percent of children in chemical dependency hospitals are from single-parent families.
More than half of all youths incarcerated in the U.S. lived in one-parent families as a child.”
Information worth taking into consideration!
FOUR: Put the Baby Up for Adoption
Many very young couples put their not yet born baby up for adoption. For them, due to their very young age and lack of maturity this may be a very viable and smart option.
After all, how would one expect a sixteen year old girl to cope with raising a baby while going to school? For that matter how could a sixteen year old guy do that?! They really can’t!
However, if you are a guy who is in his mid-twenties and got your girlfriend pregnant this option still could be utilized if you both are serious about not wanting to be parents.
It is not only good for you two, but it is VERY GOOD for the baby!
Through adoption you basically surrender your baby over to a responsible couple who will take excellent care of your child. Of course this baby now becomes THEIR child and you are only a person who signed a form allowing this to happen.
The baby, as they grow older may never know who you are; but at some point in their lives may want to seek you out. When they do be expecting the question: “Why did you give me up for adoption? Didn’t you love me?”
Good luck with that!
FIVE: Abortion as an Option
This is an option only if you are ok with this and the above mentioned options just are not viable for both of you. While I am not comfortable with abortion and do not condone its practice I fully understand this is a personal decision for the two people in this predicament.
There will be costs associated with this decision, both financial and emotional.
There will also be some social stigma attached as many people are very against this practice and therefore may judge you and your lady friend harshly for making such a decision.
Their argument would be for the two of you to simply have the child and then put the baby up for adoption, thus allowing the child to have an opportunity to live a life full of love and quality family relationships via the adoption family.
This would solve the problem of both you and the pregnant girlfriend from being encumbered with a baby both of you do not want.
Of course, asking the girlfriend to carry and eventually give birth to a baby is a lot to ask if she is not interested in having a child in the first place.
This is a tough decision, so spend some time thinking it through!
Your Responsibility: Man-Up!
If you are a real man, and I mean a man who is serious about himself, cares for those around him and is responsible for his actions you will step up and be responsible for this pregnancy.
You will support the girlfriend and make a decision jointly and be supportive in her emotional ups and downs as she struggles with the very same decision you are.
In this country there are too many single parent households where the true victims are the kids.
Kids who lack a father in their lives often struggle with self-esteem and abandonment issues.
This is very sad and unfortunate, but very much the reality here in the United States today.
Here in the USA it seems many young men are beta males who are more feminine than masculine. They do not want to be held accountable for their actions and they put caution to the wind and run when it comes time to be responsible for their actions.
Successful, self-assured and confident men always do the right thing. They understand their impact on those around them, and their responsibility to them.
They are men of action, accountability and strength! Be one of these men! Deal with this pregnancy in the most correct manner possible so you can look yourself in the mirror without feeling like a sack of shit.
Here is more on how men struggle when their partner announces they are pregnant, from AlmostDad.com:
“Part of the pregnancy experience for men is that they in fact do not feel allowed to express themselves in fear of upsetting the mother. Furthermore, saying something about the difficulties of pregnancy may subject a man to critical judgment from others.
Men are made to think that doing so would be selfish. After all, it’s all about her isn’t it? Or is it difficult, but very different, for both of you?”
In Conclusion: Make the Best Decision for the Child
As a MAN, you are now responsible for the fate of an unborn child… your child. You and your lady friend are in complete control of the situation, thus it becomes your responsibility to deal with it responsibly as two adults.
This is your child, so make the best decision for your child so they can have the full and productive life they deserve. Keep in mind this does not mean that you have to keep the child if you are not in a position to do so, as mentioned above.
Having a child is life changing, and if you are with the right women as your partner it can be a very positive experience.Review all your options above, do some soul searching then make a decision like a man.
Here’s a funny video on the topic I think you will enjoy!
article: What to do if She Says “I’m Pregnant”!